Despise Not Small Beginnings… written by Tosh L.

Did you know that the experts that you and I have identified in any particular area or field, were once known to be novice and amateurs in some respects? It’s true! That expert was not born as an expert. They had a beginning. It was small. They had to learn for quite some time even through making many of their own mistakes. They didn’t become well-versed until after they paid their dues. Take a moment to think about that for a moment…

 

I was reading something recently, and it talked about small beginnings. It

cautioned against having less than stellar feelings about small beginnings. Something was sparked in my thoughts because some of us tend to want to heal the world, feed the masses and even ascribe to a way of thinking that says we must “go big or go home.” Yet, we tend to frown upon the “mom and pop” shops that have been or are growing in perfecting their service, craft or product. That business, service or organization that has become a mainstay in the community, and have made a commendable impact are in my eyes “Doing It Big” by remaining, by enduring and not folding or giving up. They are the glue. They are the touchable champions that help us to realize that we, too, can be and do the thing(s) that we have dreamed about and hoped to see in our neighborhoods, communities, cities and, yes, in our world that surrounds us. Our beginnings help us to appreciate the grind, the hard work, the blood, sweat and tears that we invest into capturing our goals, dreams and visions for ourselves, those who will follow in our footsteps and dare to do even greater than we have done because we have set an exemplary example.

 

Small beginnings are not to be overlooked, but they should be celebrated and rewarded for being a positive image of leadership, entrepreneurship, business ownership, wealth and freedom of life while making a meaningful impact, most times, away from the limelight. I will not despise small beginnings, but I will uplift them!

When the Unthinkable Happens by Tosh L.

I had to take a moment to share with you all about this most horrific story that I have been following in the local news. I am a deep thinker and profound feeler. I shared this with you all some time ago. I think I feel deeper than the average person allows themselves to feel. Sometimes I toggle between believing it to be a burden or a blessing. It just depends on which day you ask me you may get a different response. So, I usually don’t tune in to the news broadcast, if at all. My daily work pulls me away from the chance to do it. I am better to read about news or listen to it via radio broadcast just because of my limitations of time and schedule.

Well, I had been hearing this story about the children who killed the four children and injured his wife. When I read about it, I also read that he had

killed his first wife and unborn child years before. So, the way I think may differ at times than how others think. My heart aches for this mother because I am a mother, and I could not comprehend what it would be like to walk a half mile in her shoes. For me, it would be much too unbearable. I also feel like this is a level of evil that I cannot even begin to wrap my imagination around.

Whenever I hear of something tragic or otherwise that would be a hard thing to endure in my mind, there is one statement that always come to my mind. God says he won’t put more on us than we can bear. Wow God, you do give your toughest battles to your strongest warriors! I pray for this mother. I pray for their family. I pray that the father receives the help he needs because it is apparent that he does need help.

 

I do not question at all whether or not a 2^nd chance should have been granted to this man or any other human being. I will declare, emphatically, that we all deserve a 2nd chance in life. We are all in need of redemption in some way, shape or form. We all deserve to be forgiven. This is not up to me. This is

according to how God sees things. I believe that forgiveness is a step that should, hopefully, lead us to remorse for things we have done, and on to deliverance and healing. Please pray for this family, if you will. I cannot stop thinking about them. Let this be a reminder that we must deeply cherish the moments that we have with the people that we know and love most in the world. Tomorrow is not promised. One moment can change our lives forever. On another note, we must understand that mental illness is the disease that we cannot see. We have to familiarize ourselves with it so that we all know how to recognize the signs and characteristics. Rest peacefully to the children and continued prayers of strength to the mother, family and loved ones.

 

Life Happens, So Be Intentional by Tosh L.

On Friday I received some news that I saw, at the onset, as being ‘glass half empty.’ It was life-altering for others that I know. But, then my whole position in thinking shifted, and I began to see the glass as being half full. I said a prayer and this sparked a brief conversation that with a co-worker.

It’s true, life can and will throw you some curve balls. There will be things that you never anticipated nor could you have ever imagined happening, but life is so good, in that, it never stops there. This is when and where endurance, patience and being longsuffering comes into play. If you do not have these tools, it is in moments like these that you will learn what they truly mean. I have read the Bible a lot, and in times like this something that I have read in the past will come back to me. Here’s what came to mind today as I was sitting in meditation:

Ecclesiastes 9:11 which in part says, “The fastest runner doesn’t always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn’t always win the battle.”

For me, that meant that sometimes things that appear to be “bad” do happen and will happen to what some would consider by their own definition to be “good” people. My point is not to argue who’s good and who is not, but more so the argument I have is in the direction of the occurrence (or “bad” thing as we deem it to be) and then our response to it. My initial thought was set on this being a ‘glass half empty’ and a horrible thing. I could see how it came as a shock and disturbance, but I know that our reason and purpose for being is always in motion if we will submit and surrender to it. I know that what happened may not have been good, but it was for my good. So, as soon as I re-focused, I was able to see more clearly how purpose was at play in this occurrence. And, no sooner than my focus changed, this is what came to mind:

Romans 8:28 which is part says, “God causes everything to work together according to his purpose for them who love him.”

How amazing is that!?!! So, I know that God, himself, doesn’t make every decision, but when things happen, He still uses what’s presented to work for our good! Every outcome can and will work for our good! It goes back to the surrendering piece I shared with you in the post, “Time To Surrender.” So, in knowing this, I can speak in confidence and in faith about any matter. So, when I lined up my focus in the right direction, I was able to see and hear more clearly. An overwhelming thought came to mind and I shared it with the right person at the right time, and it sparked something in her that gave light to more great ideas and positive thoughts. It was a source of encouragement and made a huge impact. Looking forward to the big picture, I can see how things will begin to change which will breed greater purpose and amazing opportunities in the lives of many others for years to come. My focus being shifted led me to reach out and share a thought that was something small and purposefully intentional. I am thankful that I didn’t allow the harshness of the circumstances to take over and rule the way I responded to the situation. Instead, wisdom helped me to pause and see things clearly. I have every confidence that I don’t have to worry because everything is going to work out…and it will be good! SO BE IT!!!

 

Check out this song by recording artist, Travis Greene. It's so fitting for this post. The song is entitled, "He's Intentional". I hope you enjoy the song courtesy of YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VH3f0ellNv8

There's Priority & Then There's Purpose by Tosh L.

A week ago, I had a chance to chat with one of my all –time favorite human beings on the planet- my son! When our schedules get so busy that we cannot see one another right away, we text or we even have some face to face time via Marco Polo to stay in touch. What started off as just us catching up as we often do, became a very pivotal pow-wow for us (mostly me) to share some life experiences on the difference between priority and purpose. Over more recent years, I have learned to parent my son differently because he is a man, and I cannot have him underfoot the way I once did when he was a small child. That season is long gone. He has grown and evolved and is capable of living in and through his own legacy. It will be whatever he creates and builds it to be. I give him room to grow and to evolve. I am here for him whenever, for whatever, and however he may need me to be of assistance without the preponderance of enablement. I never seek to be a crutch, but instead, a hand up to lift as he climbs.

We discussed the difference as priority is sometimes more of an urgency that we encounter throughout life. So, we prioritize paying bills, taking care of household tasks and personal business, taking care of our health and well-being and responding to other things that require immediate attention. For some, that may mean providing any and everything for children, a spouse or even for your aging parents/family members. This has its place and is of importance; however, we have to be careful that this does not monopolize all of our time. This can, however, be very challenging to balance in some seasons of life. What deserves great attention is purpose. We must never allow matters of priority to throw us off of our mindset of purpose. We must be diligent to stay focused in this area no matter what the distractions may be. Purpose is the life you were created to live. It’s the reason why you are here! If left untethered, it will be forgotten and escape the forefronts of your mind because the priorities have taken over. This can happen more easily than you think. But, we have to manage our time wisely and stay focused on purpose. A bit of advice, don’t allow priorities to get the best of you! If they do, re-focus and get back on task. I say this with a commanding, yet respectful tone because many have put things off for tomorrow, and tomorrow slowly, but surely, became 5, 10, 15 years or longer. Trust me, no one will regret it or pay the price for this delay more than you will. The cost can be insurmountable and will not be worth it! So, it’s up to you to choose what will win in the battle between Priority vs. Purpose!

Helpful Resources

I want to share a couple resourceful tools with you that have truly helped me in more ways than I can say. The first is a book written by Stephen Covey entitled, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. The other is the Stephen Covey Time Management Matrix, see below:

 

Teamwork Makes the Dream Work written by Tosh L.

I received some really great feedback from the “Ride or Die” post! Thank you continually for those who follow and those who show support through reading and commenting. You will never know how much this blesses me. I thank you tremendously! I celebrate each and every one of you who are pressing through in your day-to-day life agenda, at your workplace, through bettering yourself through education, in your relationships, with your family, in your faith walk, and those pressing through for better health and wellness! Keep going!

I have had to take some time away to handle personal matters and make efforts in getting some things done. I extend my apologies for not posting in the last couple weeks. This season, for me, is a work that is producing progress and it has come with some unexpected twists and turns, so to speak. However, I know that there is purpose even in the unexpected. I am prepared to endure the challenges! I’m back this week to share a bit on a matter that has been with me for the past few weeks. So much so, that I have gone from being frustrated to highly bothered by the matter. However, I have mellowed out a great deal. I have wanted to develop my own mantra for this matter, but what is already in existence is sufficient. My heart has been so heavy with the matter of teamwork and what it means to be a leader. Today, I want to focus on teamwork. The heaviness has grown more and more as time has moved on. So, I hope that I do it justice in sharing and not come off as this being a drag of a post. LOL!!!

So, I recently shared that I was offered an opportunity at work which has me in the office more often than I had been previously. So, being around is giving me a chance to see things in a different light than I did before. The one thing that stands out to me is how much conflict and confusion has become so common. I am able to see that we do not work together as a team, and, quite frankly, it is disheartening. Yes, like any group that is new to working together, we have challenges. However, we do not operate as a unified team. We merely exist, as a lot of groups do, hoping that teamwork will just happen without direction. But, this is never the case. Teamwork is not an accidental concept. What I often see is a multiplied number of individual plans working simultaneously. There is not just one plan, one aim or one goal. This frustrates me to no end. I have seen and daily see how well we are willing to throw our fellow team member under the bus in efforts to shine and look good to others. I even see how easy it is to leave someone without a trace of compassion or empathy in an effort to correct an error or mistake. Whenever I think about it, it frustrates me because it shows just how counterproductive this has been to the purpose of this new program. Taking a retrospective look, I have learned that conflict can be purposeful and challenges have meaning. However, people have to become burned out and reach a place of conflict before burn out can come forth. When this happens, people become more receptive to ideas of resolution.

So, today I wanted to talk about what it means to be a team player and what it means to be successful at achieving goals.

 I know that you have heard the quote that “There is no ‘I’ in team. I must add this to that statement. I say, the ‘I’ in team that some individuals may interpret is both silent and invisible. This is my way of saying that it doesn’t exist. There is no such thing as an individual success. Even the Olympian, Usain Bolt, who is the fastest man in the world, has a team of people who support him, help him to prepare for greatness and achievement and persons that he counts on. He has a coach and a team that help him to be better at his craft as he helps them to be better, as well. I’ve heard the term “self-made” quite a bit. Yet there’s no such thing as a “self-made” successful, thriving anything. Do the research, I’ll wait! There is no thing that exists on its own and does everything all on its own. Everything has a counterpart. Again, check the records of history, I’ll wait. (LOL) So, as I have observed and learned this to be true and lived through some of my very own life experiences that have been lessons for me, I believe this wholeheartedly. I know that nothing can be achieved without a team, even if the team consists of two separate, individual parts connecting and joining together as a force to accomplish anything. The President of the United States is another great example. He stands in position as an entity that represents the free world, right! However, he has a wife- FLOTUS- who partners with him and they do life together and work together making efforts for their family to thrive and be successful. Before that, he had parents and family who he was closely connected with that helped to prepare him to walk the life path that he now lives. He also has a Vice President who partners with him. He even has other staff on multiple levels that help to create an environment conducive for success and achievement and the accomplishment of goals. What’s interesting is that he is not the focal point of his position. What would you guess to be the focal or central point of the mission overall? Yes, you guessed it...it’s the actual people of the United States and the world that surrounds us. If there were no people, there would be no need for the position whatsoever. We wouldn’t need a leader if there was no one to lead.

What can we accomplish without a team? What can we do without the help of another? NOTHING!!! ((please take a long moment to think about that))  In T.E.A.M., it is said that “Together Everyone Achieves More.” Indeed, this is true! It is through team that our individual and collective purposes can be realized and accomplished. Alone, we would forever be lost. Alone, we would forever have unanswered questions. But, together we can find the answers we need to be what was meant in this life. Together, we can find our way to harmony. Together, we can find our way to peace. Together, we can find our way to victory. Together, we can learn who we are. Together, we can live in purpose, on purpose and for purpose. So in team, in community, in group or crew, I have learned never to underestimate the value of a moment. It is through moments that we can be birthed. It is through moments that we come alive. It is through moments that we find exactly the missing link. Hearts are heard in moments, visions are seen in moments, and love can be manifested in new ways. So, when I join together with a team, then I can do the unimaginable things that I have only seen in my dreams and that is when, and only when, they become reality! That’s why team matters... Teamwork makes the dream work!!!

"RIDE OR DIE" by Tosh L.

Please forgive me...I'm posting a couple days later than I usually do. Life, evidently, took over in these past few weeks and I am playing catch up as a result. I will be sharing about some of what's taken place in the coming weeks.

So recently I had taken my bike to the shop for some routine maintenance to get it up and running for me to get some ride time in while the summer season is alive and well. I got it home, rode it once and ended up having something else go wrong. When I took it back, the guy discovered that the repair was not really a repair but something that was loosened and needed to be tightened for my left hand brake to work again. He made the adjustment for me, right outside before we could even get it inside the shop. Good eyes!!! So, I was on my way. (Shout out to G & R Bike Shop on Grand River Avenue near Lahser in Detroit!) They were certainly instrumental in helping me on my road to re-discovering a form of physical fitness that I hadn’t practiced since my son was in elementary school and we lived in the Kalamazoo area. (Shout out to the Zoo!) So, for a while, “bike” had been riding shot gun because I hadn’t taken it out of my vehicle. I was certainly planning to go riding again, but my schedule had been a bit hectic to say the least with everything that’s been going on in the past few weeks.

With the exception of hitting snooze 2 or 3, okay 4 times each morning, I get up at around 530am every morning and may fall asleep each night anywhere between 9pm-11pm. Depending on what my day holds, I may cook breakfast in the morning and gather things to head out to work, or do whatever is planned for the day- be it weekend or weekday. So when I get home from work, I am usually mentally drained because the population that I work with requires a lot of mental labor. It is in a clinical setting dealing with individuals who are challenged with substance abuse and mental health issues. So, I am making necessary adjustments in my schedule so that I can be present and effective at work. Each day that I was at work, I began to notice one of the doctors take breaks to go outside and walk around the building. Even in the months before summer and this beautiful weather that we’re experiencing came along, he would make sure he got his steps in by walking laps inside the building- no matter how early or how late. He showed me this app on his phone that acts as a pedometer and records the steps he takes. I believe he said that his daily goal was either 5,000 or 10,000 steps per day. So, keeping in mind that I definitely had a need to add physical fitness to my weekly schedule and also self-care, I began to walk around the building yesterday. It only takes me a short, quick 15 minutes of walking around the building, and I must say that it works wonders! I’m not speed or even brisk walking, because I dare not get all sweaty and sticky…lol! But, it’s good enough to feel the warmth of the sun, get some fresh air and then get back in to work. So, today as I was out walking around the building, I thought to myself, today’s a great day to go for a bike ride. I need it! So, I motivated myself to do it! As soon as I walked in the house, I changed clothes, got some cold water, grabbed my sunglasses and my bike and went for a ride! It didn’t take too long. I rode for about 30 minutes. I did about ¾ -1 mile. I covered a pretty hilly path. It wasn’t as easy as it had been before. I went farther out than I had ridden before. There was a good amount of uphill terrain that I hadn’t covered on my last ride. But, I was determined to give it a go! What was interesting (my new favorite word) was that my personal physical and spiritual will and determination began to collide as I got farther and farther away from home and as the ride became more demanding. It was as if there was a war going on inside me- physical will vs. spiritual will. My spiritual will said, “Keep going, you can do this!” My physical will said, “Give up now while you still can with pride!” It got to the point where I needed to interject some positive, encouraging self-talk to make it over the hardest parts of the ride and even to maintain momentum so that I could make it back home which was my goal. I made it home and reached my goal, but it was not an easy journey. I had the work of superseding every negative thought, image, idea and feeling that I was mentally and physically enduring that was sending the message to my mind to give up, to stop, to throw in the towel. It was not easy! When I finally made it home, I lifted my bike up the stairs and just barely made it inside to collapse on the floor with, what felt like, the last wind inside of me. As I breathed like my life depended on it, all I could think was that I had made it! I made it across the finish line. I reached the goal that I had set for myself. I didn’t have to compromise. I didn’t have to throw in the towel. I didn’t have to give up. I didn’t have to stop. I kept going! I was motivated and encouraged by my spiritual will to continue no matter what! As I was in the home stretch of the ride, I started to focus my mind on my breathing and began to take intentional breaths- in through my nose and out through my mouth, over and over again. While I did this, thoughts of inspirational words came to mind that I have heard spoken from people like Will Smith. He did this interview with Tavis Smiley, and I remember him using this example to say that the only difference between him on a treadmill and his competitor on a treadmill is that he was willing to die on that treadmill. He was sharing this thought that his competitor may, in fact, be better looking, be sexier, be more talented, be smarter in 9/10 categories in their favor. However, there were two things that were going to happen- either the competitor would get off the treadmill first or he, himself, would die on the treadmill. The thought that he was conveying was that no one was going to outwork him, simply put. That led me to think, all we have to do is be willing and then take action to move in a positive direction with endurance in tow! I learned a deeper lesson on my bike ride this time around. If I am willing to work harder at achieving goals, then I can reach those same goals. If I listen to negativity from others who may not have the same level of belief in the idea of accomplishment, may not be as ambitious, or even “stinking thinking” from myself (and my present physical state), I stand losing the very thing(s) I desire most. When I was lying on the floor inside my home, my body no longer had anything negative to say because it was relieved after crying out for help as I endured the rough parts of the ride. By any means necessary, it wanted me to give up. It finally was able to settle back into being what it already was-content with a state of mediocrity. I hope you’re getting this! It literally blew my mind! My spiritual will was grateful, not for the relief, but for the accomplishment and reaching the goal. I knew that relief from the demanding path was inevitable, even when my physical will was leading me to believe otherwise. My spiritual will was renewed and alive! It felt so good! It felt accomplished! It felt greater because it had overcome the negativity! It had endured the hard moments and survived it! So, I learned even in the bike ride that when there’s a war within ourselves or we’re up against any type of opposition, we must always take a stand, choose a side, stick to it and ride it out! This is the ONLY way that we will ever accomplish the goals, dreams and desires of our heart! We have to keep going in the direction of our dreams. We have to hustle harder than we’ve ever done before or could even imagine no matter what comes to block us. We have to look outside of ourselves and our present state of mind. We have to push past mediocrity because we’ve already mastered that. We have to do more, so that we can become better, stronger and greater! And this can only be achieved if and when we face death (negativity), press through and Keep Riding!!!

***THIS IS A TEST***

 

 

 

 

Hey there everyone! Happy Tuesday to you!

I am a little tardy today as I was just introduced to this new app for my phone called Marco Polo that I am falling hard for! It is the bomb.com! It is out of the ordinary of what I would usually use or something I would definitely shy away from under any other circumstances, but I jumped on it without any reservations whatsoever! I have MP-ed some people already and it has been good so far! This gives me some great ideas as I have already connected with newfound and distant family, friends that I wish to connect with and may not be able to do so due to busy schedules. So, consider this your warning, I may “MP” you soon! LOL!

 

 

THIS IS A TEST (please click on the link) https://youtu.be/NRxrCBvt7TM

 

Today’s blog post title came to me a week ago because I literally felt like I was in the middle of a test. It wasn’t until days later that I figured out what the title was for. Do you remember what it felt like when you took tests in school? Remember having to study for it and being nervous about it? Sometimes, you walked into class for your test with an air of confidence, sometimes you walked in feeling test anxiety and pressure, like I had before. Let’s just say that I do not miss those days at all. Ha! So, I knew that I was in the center of this test and had been for some time. I had to be patient enough to calm myself to know what the purpose of the test was and to even know what actions I should take while I was in the midst of it. What was interesting to me was, that all while I focused on the frustration of the test, it only brought on more anxiety. More anxiety did not serve as a resolution at all. So, I prayed to figure out what other options of response I had while I was enduring my test. I saw how my focus was not where it needed to be. I saw how being frustrated and nervous was merely a distraction. So, I had to regroup- no question about it! When I did, I was able to focus on what my resolution would be. I thought of ways to approach the matter that lied before me. So, in this particular instance, I was dealing with a work-related matter that I knew needed to be resolved ASAP! They were really long past due! So, I walked in and sat to have a conversation with my supervisor. It was interesting that as I sat down, some emotions began to awaken that I didn’t want to express in the conversation. On the inside, I was furious, angry, upset, worried and just plain old frustrated. At a glance, I could see the screen saver on her computer that reminded me that she, too, was a woman of faith. So, before I began speaking I paused and swallowed that thought. Now, this isn’t to say that I would have addressed her any differently than I did. Yet, I was reminded of who she was and, also, of whom I was and my responsibility to be who I proclaimed to be- a woman of faith! This was important to me. I wanted to communicate a message for the sake of resolution, productivity and, mostly, peace. I wanted her to know that I was aware of some things that created an environment for me that was not conducive to my productivity in the workplace. I wanted her to be aware that I was uncomfortable, and for me, this was not okay! I made careful, poignant statements that shed light on what I was feeling. She responded in a way that acknowledged my feelings. I walked away with an understanding that I did not have before our discussion. I felt so much better! This was me leaning on the courage that I had re-discovered to exercise my voice (remember from my very first post- “I Have A Voice”). I walked away feeling empowered! Now, only time would tell if she would be a woman of her word and make the necessary changes to create a cohesive, harmonious work environment. This was a lesson and test for me. I came into the situation with responsibility and so did she. We both had to make a concerted effort to do something new in the ways we had previously responded to the invisible tension that had, somehow, been created. I felt so compelled to share this because at the time of the conversation, I was only working part time for the company. The very next day, I was called into the office of the program director for an impromptu meeting. My first thought was, “Oh my lord, what could this be about?” To my surprise, I was offered a full-time opportunity by the leader that is above my immediate supervisor. I accepted! So, in my time of reflection, I could have easily done something that would have caused me to get lost in my emotions and responded negatively just one day earlier in the meeting that I had with my supervisor. But, because I was careful with how I handled things, I was able to receive and extend respect to resolve the tension/unspoken conflict and foster a more positive work relationship and environment with the leadership staff overall. This communicated that I am about resolution and not becoming a virus to the department and team. So, because she spoke of making a change in her interactions with me, her attitude had to line up and support the change she professed she would make.  How powerful is that? Awareness is powerful, and us taking action because of such an awareness is even more life-changing. When we have to match our words with our actions, that creates an impact that changes the trajectory of how we are and who we are! This is when maturity can take root and grow. ((That made me smile!)) LOL! I truly believe that “Teamwork Makes the Dream Work,” and “There is No ‘I’ in team!” So, doubling back to me, I saw that I needed to make a change before I could challenge and carefully confront (or approach) my supervisor with a change that I recognized needed to be made on her part, as well. So, in essence, my focus was changed from looking at her to seeing myself and where I needed to change, mature and grow. In any given situation, I have learned especially during my studies and practice as a care-giver or care-receiver, the only person that we have the power to change is ourselves. When we look in the mirror, we must focus our attention on changing the person that is looking back at us. I am responsible for my growth, maturity and change! This is one of the greatest tests that we will ever encounter. This is a lesson that we must all learn!

  

Please Hear My Call

     Imagine just for a moment that we’re sitting in the attic of your heart. And, let’s pretend that your heart was shaped like a bag and it was filled to capacity with various things. If we opened your bags, what would we find tucked away? What has, rightfully, found a home in your heart? What things are there temporarily? Can you see the difference? There is a difference between what things should find a home in our hearts and the ones that should be given a 30-day eviction notice to vacate the premises. Yet, we’ll never know unless we crawl into the attic and take a peek into our hearts from time to time to see what’s there. Some things don’t belong, and if they stay too long, they will wreak havoc on the good things that are meant to be there forever leaving nothing an opportunity to be salvaged.

Think about that for a moment.

I hear things through song and music of all genres. The song that comes to mind here is “Bag Lady” by Erykah Badu. The lyrics say, “Bag Lady, you gone hurt your back, dragging all them bags like that. I guess nobody ever told you, all you must hold on to is you, is you, is you….”

     Last week on Tuesday evening there was this forceful storm that began. It was so peculiar to me because storms don’t typically happen this way. So, I paid close attention to every element of it. Before the rain even began, the wind was very wild and unruly. As I came closer to my balcony, I could see the tree outside the window and how it made great effort to endure the wind as unusual as it was. I could not only see, but I could also hear how severely hard the wind was blowing. It was tumultuous, to say the least. Even the lake waters were being stirred up in a great way! Now, I personally enjoy storms especially when I’m indoors and can sit and watch them unfold. Storms speak to me; they are a source of inspiration for me. I receive something when it rains or storms even if it is, simply, rest. But, this storm was different. I knew it meant so much more. I am not a storm chaser, but, I was drawn in closer to watch it and feel the fresh air as it blew harshly. I stood at my balcony door with it wide open. I stared through the screen looking up at the clouds... they were moving just like the lake and the trees. I saw multiple shades of grey and formations of clouds. So, I spoke to them as if they could hear me. I pleaded for them to hear my call. I waited. I wanted them to know that I could hear them. So, I waited. I wanted them to know that I was listening. And as soon as I did, it was like something in my soul just opened wide and I began to cry openly and outwardly. There was this yearning in my heart to create a clear path…to clear the way. I didn’t fully know what it meant at first, but then thoughts came. I, carefully, took time to look at everything that crossed my mind, and it was like God was giving me a chance to empty myself during this storm of anything and everything that I needed to let go of- things recent and things past. Then, as my tears ceased, the rain began, and I felt this song that I had not listened to in a very long time by Jill Scott entitled, “Hear My Call.” I played it and sat quietly so that I could purge and let go of all that needed to go. This was a spiritual moment for me. It felt the movement as if the wind was blowing through me like it was in the clouds, water and tree. It was like cleaning out the attic. I was going through my thoughts and feelings on everything and organizing them- putting them in order. Because things had been happening so quickly I was, symbolically, only throwing them up in the attic for later. So, now was the time when I could allow time and space to put things in their rightful place and to throw out the things that I no longer had use for…because it was so necessary. It was a time of cleansing, so timely and much needed. So much had happened within a short span of time- in my inner world and in the outer world- that my heart was wrestling with and I needed to deal with it all and clear it away to create a path for my heart to beat again and breathe again in its rightful rhythm. And when my rightful rhythm returned, I was able to dance. Oh yeah, I danced, because I was free!  

Sometimes we don’t know what it is that’s bothering us, but there will be this unsettling gut feeling or strange feeling in the center of our chest. Some things you just cannot shake. It will linger and just seem to never go away. It is real and is not to be ignored. Pay close attention to it. Don’t just push it down in the bags of your heart suppressing it to a place where it is never to be dealt with or revisited, but open those bags and deal with it, whatever “it” is, and process through it so that you can experience growth, find answers and understanding and forever have free space in your heart. So, that all that you are holding on to, is YOU!

I listened to the cues of my heart and in the moment that was created just for me during the storm. Your moment may not happen during a storm such as the one that occurred last week, but something will occur to draw you in closer to listen. When it happens, as strange as it may seem… will you hear the call!!?!! I ask that you do... Please!

Please listen to the song, “Hear My Call” by Jill Scott and let it speak to you as it spoke to me: https://youtu.be/VtapoGukzCA

Live Your Legacy

 

 

On this same day as I am gathering via teleconference, I learn of my great aunt passing away. I sit in silence after we prayed together for one of our dear sisters to be strengthened. I am in reflection, thinking about life once again as I did during the previous week when I learned of someone who ended their life on Wednesday. Then, someone else whose life ended on Friday of natural causes. Here, I am on Tuesday when this news finds me. This is the third life that ends that I hear of in less than a week. My reflection is not completely on the loss of life at its end, yet, I am reflecting on the loss of life as we live. If we knew what our end would be, would we be wasters of time? Or rather, how would we spend our time if we knew how much of it we really had on our journey? My reflection carried me in a couple different directions. For starters, what crossed my mind was the verse in Psalm 90: 10, 12 that says,

“We live for 70 years, or 80 years if we’re healthy, yet even in

the prime years there are troubles and sorrow. They pass us by quickly

and we fly away… Teach us to keep account of our days so

we may develop inner wisdom.”

What also came to mind was the poem called “The Dash” written by Linda Ellis (to honor copyright laws, you will find the link for the poem at the end of this post). I began reflecting on our legacy that we build and/or create with the life we live which is determined by how we spend our time every day. My great aunt worked for many years for a company that she was able to retire from, however, she will probably be most remembered in different ways that have nothing to do with her day job. My interpretation of a large part of my aunt’s life was that of sacrifice and unconditional love. That is the lesson that she taught me from living her life daily. Now, that is quite noble to me and maybe even others would agree; however, I wonder what others would define that dash to be. Or, what is the legacy of the person that decides that it is their time to leave this earth, or the one whose life ends at the hands of a violent act being committed against them? This just literally came to me… Did you know that every life echoes messages after it has come to an end here on earth? Think about it… everyone you know that has passed on, what do you remember most about them? This message is what was created as an echo from them to you. Deep, huh? What are you doing with that echo? More personally, what is your legacy? How are you building it now? What are you creating it to be? Are you living out your dash and doing what you would like to be remembered for? Are you making the impact you so desire? My goal is to live beyond the 80 years, as stated in the psalm above, because there is so much for me to do, experience and create as my legacy unfolds. I want my dash to be great, not just because, but for those who will come behind me and stand on my shoulders. I want to be great because I feel like there are so many encounters that still have yet to be manifested. I want to die empty. Yes emptied… having used all the resources I was given in the form of gifts, talents, special abilities and honed skills. I want the lives of others to be greater because I was here! Sure, we can work in positions to manage what we own, a certain lifestyle, etc. I get it… our jobs are a means to an end and serve a purpose. Yet, if you are not making an impact where you work and spend time, then what will you be a part of that will open the door or crack the window to you making an impact in the lives of someone else? We do not live just for us! That is not our purpose here. As I get older and I hear of people leaving and transitioning, I can truly see how much life matters. It truly does matter. I lost an aunt, it matters. I gained a new little cousin, it matters. One life ended on one day, and the next day another life began. That is the true cycle of life. We must begin to deeply consider what we do in between our beginning and our ending to clearly define what our legacy will be as we live and when we fly away.

Click the link below to read the poem...
"The Dash" by Linda Ellis http://www.linda-ellis.com/the-dash-the-dash-poem-by-linda-ellis-.html

Please post in the comments to share how you're going to live your legacy- now and in the future!

 

 

A Missed Encounter

I wanted to first share just how I have appreciated you all for taking the time out of your life to read my blog and take this journey with me as we cover Life Matters! Thank you to those who have shared feedback and commented on the blog posts either in writing, via text, in person or by picking up the phone to call me. I truly appreciate each of you, AND I thank you for affirming me and the gifts that I have been given!

I want to share a couple things with you to help with today’s reading. This will give you a bit more insight about me-Tosh! First thing I wanted to share with you about me is that I don’t know when I first realized it, but I have this unique ability to feel what other people feel. Surprisingly, I can physically, emotionally and empathically feel in the place of another individual, be they a stranger or someone I know personally. I have this keen ability to see into the hearts of people/matters. I am able to see people as they truly are and can articulate this without any other reference than it simply being a God-given gift. This is my special/super power. Does this make me an official X-Men?! I wish! Secondly, I wanted to share that I met with a friend today and while we were having a very simple conversation, I said something that was the equivalent of striking a match and lighting a candle within her. I could tell because I, simultaneously, felt it too! There was a swarm of emotions that came in a matter of moments that I witnessed through her body language, then it was swept away in a matter of seconds. It is amazing how spoken words can trigger something inside of us that we do not even expect. Have you ever heard words spoken, sang or even that you’ve read that did something to you unexpectedly? I have many times.

When I arrived home today, I got settled in and went online to check my social media sites and email for any such updates, feedback, etc. for the sake of management.  I went on to Facebook and decided to check my news feed (which I don’t do as often as I used to). The very first thing I saw was an image of two women. One of the women was sitting down while the other was standing and doing a head wrap on the other. I, first, thought to myself…”wow, I am going to miss the African World Festival” near downtown Detroit that in most recent years has been held at the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History. When I commented, I was assured by the writer that I had not missed the festival, but that the lady doing the head wrap had just passed away earlier that day. "WHAT...PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS NOT TRUE!"' were my very thoughts. In shock, I navigated to her page because she and I were also Facebook friends. In my moment of denial, I was looking for a confirmation of life or death. Some positive news or reference to put me at ease. I did not want to believe that it was true! I didn’t know her personally but we connected on Facebook as I had seen her in person around town over the years at various events that we mutually attended in the metro Detroit area. Our paths last crossed back in November when we both attended the 2015 Detroit Doll Show at the Wright Museum. I had seen her before that time doing the head wraps at the festival in 2014. I recall admiring her giftedness and handiwork as she manipulated the fabrics to form something so regal and queenly that gave the women and girls sitting in her chair such pride, confidence and esteem as they looked in the mirror at their brand new self-image. Even though I really wanted to have my head wrapped, I passed on the opportunity to have an encounter believing that my path would cross her path at a time in the future, and I would see her later and have my head wrapped by her. We walked over to watch the African dancing exhibition which was steps away from the head wrapping artistry tent as they began to start up. I was so enthralled with the dancers of all ages as I listened to the drums and admired the moves that, for a moment, swept me away to a place outside of the city of Detroit. The drummers and dancing invited me to a place that was located far away from any place I had seen before with my own eyes. They took me to a place that felt akin in my soul. I felt like I was home. It felt so familiar, and I felt so free and so alive. I exhaled and when it ended, I was left in awe. I was long gone in my thoughts, far from the opportunity that I missed to have an encounter until I learned of the news today. Gone was my chance to speak to her. Gone was my chance to receive from her. Gone was my opportunity to possibly hear wisdom from this woman, this soul, this spirit that I had never known but admired from a distance. You know I recently heard someone say that an encounter is an experience that makes an impact on us. I am even reminded of one of my favorite quotes by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin that says, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” I was left speechless and spent my evening in a quiet place to allow my emotions to have their freedom. I grieved the loss of what could have been. Only if there was one more chance!

Have you ever had someone to come to your home or you meet with them and then after your time together they depart and leave something behind that you intended to give them? You grab what you meant to give them and then open the door or turn around to find that they are further away than your voice can reach. The distance that they have travelled makes it difficult for them to hear you call out to them, “WAIT!” Maybe in an effort to still catch them, you attempt to pick up the phone to call them and there’s no answer. It’s too late! This is exactly what I feel in this moment. I could not reach her if I tried to give her what I should have given or receive what I could have received. I cannot get her to turn around. She can no longer hear me calling out to her. I will forever remember her as the woman I could have known- an opportunity I could have partaken in, the impact not experienced. Really! Who was I to put off an opportunity or a chance to do something or to “be” what I am called to be in a moment? I realize how I thought I had time, and I did not! What I realize is that there is a cost to decisions I make. Some I can afford, others are, let’s just say, expensive and not in my budget. At this time in my life, I do not want to miss any opportunities that are meant for me. The cost is inextricable, and I cannot afford it!

Reflecting back on the conversation that I had earlier that day with my friend, I wondered if what I said made her think of any particular missed encounter. I wondered if the emotions that came suddenly reminded her of the high cost that she had already paid, and what the sum total of the cost would add up to if she did not grab the opportunity while she still could. It must have been immense based upon the simultaneous feeling that also came over me. What I am left with is that, in hindsight, it is never worth it! If you are called on to be a nurturer, mother, sister, a counselor, aunt, daughter, lover, advocate, granddaughter, friend, listening ear, company to someone who is lonely, or to give or even just to receive… be it/do it! You and the other person(s) will be made richer because of the encounter. This I know to be true! Whether you believe it or not, you are just as indebted to others as there are others who are indebted to you. Let us think this way when we come to moments in life that matter, “You Need Me” and “I Need You”! We each have a responsibility to pay it forward no matter where we are in life. Because when the moment passes, we can never ever get it back again.

Time to Surrender

 
I want to share this story with you that I have read personally and heard from others for many years. It’s actually a story you may have read yourself or heard someone talk about a bit. It is about a maiden woman that was found to be more outwardly beautiful than any other amongst the time and within the territory in which she lived. Because of her beauty, she was chosen by a man to become his wife and his queen. She even had a purpose in the world to accomplish- a distinct reason for which she was born. The story tells of how she found favor with this man and at an agreed upon time they would be joined together to become one in a sacred ceremony. But, before this would take place, this woman had to endure a process. The process, I understand, was a necessary personal preparation to get her ready to be presented to the king and it lasted for a period of 12 months. Over time I have matured in my understanding and have read the story again and again, and I’ve found myself imagining what this process entailed. I learned through study and research that this intensive process was for purification, cleansing, healing, therapy, beautification, relaxation and to even become fragrant. I believe that this time of preparation would not only change her outward appearance to make her even more lovely, but it was to change whatever was going on inside her. It could have possibly been erasing some unseen baggage and wounds of her past. The purpose of the seven maids assigned to meeting her every need for this year were to make her more delicate, soft, gentle and sensuous; even sensitive to his needs. It was a process that was preserving her for the king. Eh-hem!

So, one particular morning I had this dream, but it was more like a vision while I was sleeping. (SN: For me, there is a difference.) In the vision, I saw this man! Let me describe him so that you can get an idea of what he was like. He was fine, courageous, chivalrous, strong, intelligent, a go-getter with a heart of gold. He was persistent, hard-working, admirable and virile. He was trustworthy, loyal and loving. He was insightful, fun to be with and very masculine. I felt safe with him. Everything in me trusted him. I adored him. I belonged to him. In my eyes, he was worthy of being praised, revered and respected! In my eyes, I guess you could say that he was fit to be a king. This was what I was able to see and learn about him. The vision, however short, was to show me him in a perfect state and created a sense of yearning. I knew in my heart that he was perfect for me!

So, lately there has been this resounding word that I have heard and it has given me life in ways that I could not have imagined. It has taken me several days to piece this all together mostly because of the way that it was downloaded to me. Oddly, it has been applicable to so many aspects of my life. So, bear with me please! The initial word I heard was “Surrender” and, then, it was accompanied by the word “Release.” First thing I usually do is bombard Dictionary.com for definitions. I consider myself to be a wordsmith because I always seek to understand words and their origin. This time I just searched the word via Google. Here is what I found: Surrender means “cease resistance to an enemy or opponent and submit to their authority” (source unknown). The Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition is “to agree to stop fighting, hiding, resisting, etc., because you know that you will not win or succeed; to give the control or use of (something) to someone else.” On that note, I closed my tablet and proceeded with my day because the first definition stumped me.  Twice that same day, I received more, and it helped me to see both meanings as relevant. I want to wrap this all up nice and neatly with a bow so that maybe there will be something relevant for you to walk away with as you’re taking steps on your journey this week. As I mentioned last week, this is a time of preparation for me, and I believe that in order to prepare for anything “New/Great” there has to be submission for surrender and a release to occur. What was I needing to surrender? At this point of my journey, what must I release? I had no idea what I needed to release and why I needed to throw up my hands in surrender. But, I knew that this was not a mistake! I said a prayer and asked God to help me find my way, to show me the answer and with time spent just being patient and quiet, the answers came to me.

With all that was given, here’s where I landed.... In an early part of my journey I was molested by two different individuals at two impressionable stages of my life. At the time, I was still immature hoping to find answers to questions that were too difficult for me to comprehend. These occurrences had a hand in me becoming silent and losing my voice as I shared with you last week. I found myself wondering if these things would have occurred if I were in the care of my natural father (my protector)? Being separated from him so early impacted me tremendously. I was left confused, ashamed, in fear and hurt to my core. Yet, I still had so much to learn about life, about myself and the reason why I was born. Then, at the tender age of 15, I gave birth and became a mother. Retrospectively, I’m able to look back and see how I was thrust head first into a mode of survival, and I have lived in that same place since I was a young girl. In the last couple years of my journey, I have found myself on this path of preparation, inner healing and discovery of self in ways that I would not have ever imagined. I’d decided that I wanted to relocate from this place of survival to a place where I can thrive, live freely, love and receive the abundance of all the great things that I know were destined and designed for me. But, how was I supposed to travel from where I was to where I wanted to be? Surrender. Release. Forgiveness. Atonement. This is me wrapping it in a bow for you, pretty huh?!

These steps are providing me with an opportunity to be restored and redeemed. I’ve found myself letting go of past wounds so that I could receive inner healing- a healing that goes deeper than what I have ever known. This part of my journey has given me the ability to see my father in a better light than I did when I was younger. I have been able to forgive those who molested me. My personal experiences inside brokenness gave me the ability to look out and see that there may have been some brokenness within them. I am sure they didn’t mean to damage me or do me any harm. I’m sure they would have apologized if they were able to find the right words. Nonetheless, I have a better view of men and their rightful purpose in my life. I believe that we all make mistakes in life and at some point we stand in need of forgiveness. This brings me to the dream and why it was so relevant. I needed the way I viewed men to be restored. Since, I have opened my heart in so many ways so that I can freely receive again. For so long, it was closed tight like a fist, blocked from receiving and had a sign over it that read “Out of Order.” So, because I was willing to surrender to the process of preparation and release things that I have needed to for many years, I was finally able to forgive and find reconciliation. Now, I am a better friend. I am a better Counselor. I am a better student. I am a better confidant. I am a better daughter. I am a better sister. I am better more and more in so many ways. So, now that I have passed on this gift wrapped with a beautiful bow, what will you do with it? Are you willing to take some time to think about ways in which there may be some areas within you that have a sign with bold letters that read “Out of Order”? Are you open to surrender and release? Now would be a great time to do it! What do you have to lose? Make a list on your tablet or in your journal. One thing I found to be true is that your wound that you believe is invisible and private, may be very visible to others around you- especially the people closest to you. It may be that they are just being nice about it or are simply showing you compassion. It may be seen in that part of you that you only show to your spouse/significant other, your children, family, maybe even your coworkers. It may explain why you’ve only been able to get to a certain point in your relationships. It may be the reason that you have a hard time with trust or sometimes find yourself feeling insecure about things. It is holding you back from something big, something worthwhile. Whatever it is... whatever it is... know that we are in this together, to be better and to live better for the rest of our lives. Let’s be committed to getting better from the inside out. Take this with you... All is made possible when we make the sacrifice to Surrender!

I Have a Voice!

  

I am 40 years old, and I just learned to use my voice. Well, that sounds silly for someone at my age, but I received the courage to speak through transparency with a cohort of women who are extremely supportive. Today, as I was working in the comfort of my home, I felt a spirit of transparency come over me. My heart opened and I began to share with this group of women. I had no idea what would happen as a result of me having this need to open up and share my heart. By me having the courage to take a chance, something magnificent was sparked and it started something that was so unexpected, surprising and life-giving. So many others began to share from their hearts. I must say that it was a true blessing. I never saw it coming!

I remember believing that it seemed like everyone that I met throughout my life from men to women, alike, had a gift or a purpose- a reason for which they were born. They had something important to do in the world. Yet, I didn’t know exactly what that looked like for me. I didn’t have a clue! I’d been introduced to several glimpses of some possibilities, but nothing truly stood out. As a young girl, my interest in writing was awakened by my love for reading books, writing creative stories and poetry. Later on, I found an interest in psychology when I started taking college courses after high school at the local community college. Fast forward several years later, I became fond of teaching when I spent some time working as a Substitute Teacher at a high school during my undergrad years in Kalamazoo (2001-2002). The students loved me, and I loved them. I even received an invitation to prom from one of the students. I was tickled pink and flattered! I can even recall a position I held many years after leaving Kalamazoo as a Certified Trainer at a child welfare agency in the metro Detroit area. I loved the foster caregivers who opened their homes and their hearts to the children and families. Then in 2014, I lost a younger cousin who I would say was in the prime of his life. He was only 25 years old and as healthy as could be. He had a seizure and that was it! Suddenly, he was gone! His life ended just like that. I was devastated for so many reasons. It made me look so differently at life and time. I realized that life can truly be short, and time truly is precious and not to be wasted or taken for granted. After years of failed attempts and procrastination, I enrolled into graduate school to pursue a degree in Counseling after having this chat with God. Here I was finally going to do something that was on my list of goals to achieve. The timing could not have been more perfect! I had these three areas that I was passionate about, and I wanted to find a way to work them simultaneously and in tandem. I wanted to figure out a way to combine my love for writing, teaching and counseling/helping others on their life journey. I wanted to use these three areas in whatever way possible to help advance me in the direction of my purpose.

So, here I am having attended my formal graduation ceremonies a month ago, and I am months away from becoming licensed as a Counselor in the state of Michigan. My voice is still being shaped, and I am just learning to speak. So, in what feels like my final months of preparation, how do I want to use the discovery of my voice? What exactly do I want to do/say? In which direction should I go? At this point in my life, the world is literally my personal oyster. I could do just about anything. I could go just about anywhere in pursuit of my purpose and passion. Decisions, decisions.... Dear God, what’s next for me?

Well, it might be a good idea for me to share my beginning. At an early stage in my life, my voice was stolen from me. Yes, literally stolen. Unfortunately for me, I was simply not aware. It happened after my parents were divorced all those years ago when I was about four years old. I was rendered speechless. I had no control, no say so in the matter. But, my life met the ripple effect and changed drastically. My spirit was crushed. It was as if I lost my identity. In all the confusion, I lost me. I lost who I was. I lost who I was supposed to be. I lost my feelings of self-worth and even my sense of belonging. There I was, a little girl dealing with abandonment and rejection in silence. No one knew and neither did I. I never knew how to find my voice. I never knew the way back to courage. I became an expert at being silent. I became an expert at listening and not being heard. I watched life happen because I didn't know better. I made hundred of mistakes trying to find my voice throughout my life. Fast forward 36 years and here I am.... I’m just beginning to feel comfortable in knowing that I do have a voice! Now I know that my words are important, and my voice and my life matters! My journey through life experiences have been saved all of this time so that I could make it to a place where I could find healing and find courage to be transparent and speak LIFE! So as I speak LIFE, I will share my life story in hopes that you will see me and see, authentically, just how important you are and come to know how your LIFE MATTERS!!! Welcome....