A Missed Encounter

I wanted to first share just how I have appreciated you all for taking the time out of your life to read my blog and take this journey with me as we cover Life Matters! Thank you to those who have shared feedback and commented on the blog posts either in writing, via text, in person or by picking up the phone to call me. I truly appreciate each of you, AND I thank you for affirming me and the gifts that I have been given!

I want to share a couple things with you to help with today’s reading. This will give you a bit more insight about me-Tosh! First thing I wanted to share with you about me is that I don’t know when I first realized it, but I have this unique ability to feel what other people feel. Surprisingly, I can physically, emotionally and empathically feel in the place of another individual, be they a stranger or someone I know personally. I have this keen ability to see into the hearts of people/matters. I am able to see people as they truly are and can articulate this without any other reference than it simply being a God-given gift. This is my special/super power. Does this make me an official X-Men?! I wish! Secondly, I wanted to share that I met with a friend today and while we were having a very simple conversation, I said something that was the equivalent of striking a match and lighting a candle within her. I could tell because I, simultaneously, felt it too! There was a swarm of emotions that came in a matter of moments that I witnessed through her body language, then it was swept away in a matter of seconds. It is amazing how spoken words can trigger something inside of us that we do not even expect. Have you ever heard words spoken, sang or even that you’ve read that did something to you unexpectedly? I have many times.

When I arrived home today, I got settled in and went online to check my social media sites and email for any such updates, feedback, etc. for the sake of management.  I went on to Facebook and decided to check my news feed (which I don’t do as often as I used to). The very first thing I saw was an image of two women. One of the women was sitting down while the other was standing and doing a head wrap on the other. I, first, thought to myself…”wow, I am going to miss the African World Festival” near downtown Detroit that in most recent years has been held at the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History. When I commented, I was assured by the writer that I had not missed the festival, but that the lady doing the head wrap had just passed away earlier that day. "WHAT...PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS NOT TRUE!"' were my very thoughts. In shock, I navigated to her page because she and I were also Facebook friends. In my moment of denial, I was looking for a confirmation of life or death. Some positive news or reference to put me at ease. I did not want to believe that it was true! I didn’t know her personally but we connected on Facebook as I had seen her in person around town over the years at various events that we mutually attended in the metro Detroit area. Our paths last crossed back in November when we both attended the 2015 Detroit Doll Show at the Wright Museum. I had seen her before that time doing the head wraps at the festival in 2014. I recall admiring her giftedness and handiwork as she manipulated the fabrics to form something so regal and queenly that gave the women and girls sitting in her chair such pride, confidence and esteem as they looked in the mirror at their brand new self-image. Even though I really wanted to have my head wrapped, I passed on the opportunity to have an encounter believing that my path would cross her path at a time in the future, and I would see her later and have my head wrapped by her. We walked over to watch the African dancing exhibition which was steps away from the head wrapping artistry tent as they began to start up. I was so enthralled with the dancers of all ages as I listened to the drums and admired the moves that, for a moment, swept me away to a place outside of the city of Detroit. The drummers and dancing invited me to a place that was located far away from any place I had seen before with my own eyes. They took me to a place that felt akin in my soul. I felt like I was home. It felt so familiar, and I felt so free and so alive. I exhaled and when it ended, I was left in awe. I was long gone in my thoughts, far from the opportunity that I missed to have an encounter until I learned of the news today. Gone was my chance to speak to her. Gone was my chance to receive from her. Gone was my opportunity to possibly hear wisdom from this woman, this soul, this spirit that I had never known but admired from a distance. You know I recently heard someone say that an encounter is an experience that makes an impact on us. I am even reminded of one of my favorite quotes by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin that says, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” I was left speechless and spent my evening in a quiet place to allow my emotions to have their freedom. I grieved the loss of what could have been. Only if there was one more chance!

Have you ever had someone to come to your home or you meet with them and then after your time together they depart and leave something behind that you intended to give them? You grab what you meant to give them and then open the door or turn around to find that they are further away than your voice can reach. The distance that they have travelled makes it difficult for them to hear you call out to them, “WAIT!” Maybe in an effort to still catch them, you attempt to pick up the phone to call them and there’s no answer. It’s too late! This is exactly what I feel in this moment. I could not reach her if I tried to give her what I should have given or receive what I could have received. I cannot get her to turn around. She can no longer hear me calling out to her. I will forever remember her as the woman I could have known- an opportunity I could have partaken in, the impact not experienced. Really! Who was I to put off an opportunity or a chance to do something or to “be” what I am called to be in a moment? I realize how I thought I had time, and I did not! What I realize is that there is a cost to decisions I make. Some I can afford, others are, let’s just say, expensive and not in my budget. At this time in my life, I do not want to miss any opportunities that are meant for me. The cost is inextricable, and I cannot afford it!

Reflecting back on the conversation that I had earlier that day with my friend, I wondered if what I said made her think of any particular missed encounter. I wondered if the emotions that came suddenly reminded her of the high cost that she had already paid, and what the sum total of the cost would add up to if she did not grab the opportunity while she still could. It must have been immense based upon the simultaneous feeling that also came over me. What I am left with is that, in hindsight, it is never worth it! If you are called on to be a nurturer, mother, sister, a counselor, aunt, daughter, lover, advocate, granddaughter, friend, listening ear, company to someone who is lonely, or to give or even just to receive… be it/do it! You and the other person(s) will be made richer because of the encounter. This I know to be true! Whether you believe it or not, you are just as indebted to others as there are others who are indebted to you. Let us think this way when we come to moments in life that matter, “You Need Me” and “I Need You”! We each have a responsibility to pay it forward no matter where we are in life. Because when the moment passes, we can never ever get it back again.