I Have a Voice!

  

I am 40 years old, and I just learned to use my voice. Well, that sounds silly for someone at my age, but I received the courage to speak through transparency with a cohort of women who are extremely supportive. Today, as I was working in the comfort of my home, I felt a spirit of transparency come over me. My heart opened and I began to share with this group of women. I had no idea what would happen as a result of me having this need to open up and share my heart. By me having the courage to take a chance, something magnificent was sparked and it started something that was so unexpected, surprising and life-giving. So many others began to share from their hearts. I must say that it was a true blessing. I never saw it coming!

I remember believing that it seemed like everyone that I met throughout my life from men to women, alike, had a gift or a purpose- a reason for which they were born. They had something important to do in the world. Yet, I didn’t know exactly what that looked like for me. I didn’t have a clue! I’d been introduced to several glimpses of some possibilities, but nothing truly stood out. As a young girl, my interest in writing was awakened by my love for reading books, writing creative stories and poetry. Later on, I found an interest in psychology when I started taking college courses after high school at the local community college. Fast forward several years later, I became fond of teaching when I spent some time working as a Substitute Teacher at a high school during my undergrad years in Kalamazoo (2001-2002). The students loved me, and I loved them. I even received an invitation to prom from one of the students. I was tickled pink and flattered! I can even recall a position I held many years after leaving Kalamazoo as a Certified Trainer at a child welfare agency in the metro Detroit area. I loved the foster caregivers who opened their homes and their hearts to the children and families. Then in 2014, I lost a younger cousin who I would say was in the prime of his life. He was only 25 years old and as healthy as could be. He had a seizure and that was it! Suddenly, he was gone! His life ended just like that. I was devastated for so many reasons. It made me look so differently at life and time. I realized that life can truly be short, and time truly is precious and not to be wasted or taken for granted. After years of failed attempts and procrastination, I enrolled into graduate school to pursue a degree in Counseling after having this chat with God. Here I was finally going to do something that was on my list of goals to achieve. The timing could not have been more perfect! I had these three areas that I was passionate about, and I wanted to find a way to work them simultaneously and in tandem. I wanted to figure out a way to combine my love for writing, teaching and counseling/helping others on their life journey. I wanted to use these three areas in whatever way possible to help advance me in the direction of my purpose.

So, here I am having attended my formal graduation ceremonies a month ago, and I am months away from becoming licensed as a Counselor in the state of Michigan. My voice is still being shaped, and I am just learning to speak. So, in what feels like my final months of preparation, how do I want to use the discovery of my voice? What exactly do I want to do/say? In which direction should I go? At this point in my life, the world is literally my personal oyster. I could do just about anything. I could go just about anywhere in pursuit of my purpose and passion. Decisions, decisions.... Dear God, what’s next for me?

Well, it might be a good idea for me to share my beginning. At an early stage in my life, my voice was stolen from me. Yes, literally stolen. Unfortunately for me, I was simply not aware. It happened after my parents were divorced all those years ago when I was about four years old. I was rendered speechless. I had no control, no say so in the matter. But, my life met the ripple effect and changed drastically. My spirit was crushed. It was as if I lost my identity. In all the confusion, I lost me. I lost who I was. I lost who I was supposed to be. I lost my feelings of self-worth and even my sense of belonging. There I was, a little girl dealing with abandonment and rejection in silence. No one knew and neither did I. I never knew how to find my voice. I never knew the way back to courage. I became an expert at being silent. I became an expert at listening and not being heard. I watched life happen because I didn't know better. I made hundred of mistakes trying to find my voice throughout my life. Fast forward 36 years and here I am.... I’m just beginning to feel comfortable in knowing that I do have a voice! Now I know that my words are important, and my voice and my life matters! My journey through life experiences have been saved all of this time so that I could make it to a place where I could find healing and find courage to be transparent and speak LIFE! So as I speak LIFE, I will share my life story in hopes that you will see me and see, authentically, just how important you are and come to know how your LIFE MATTERS!!! Welcome....