How Does One Survive "That" Pain? written by Tosh L. 09.29.2018

What does one do when life brings them to a moment when they have no choice but to carry pain?

I have felt pain before. I have suffered loss before.

But, I believe there's losses that hurt deeper and greater than others. In those moments of weakness, I say lean on those around you who offer to represent you in the moment as a conduit and source of strength. This is how God intended it. He planned it this way! Those who dare to come alongside you who currently wear the coat of weakness, to albeit for a moment, help to forebear even one ounce of the burden that you carry...LET THEM! I say by all means...ALLOW THEM! Count these moments as ones when you get to have help in breathing.

There are some places in loss that you must leave others behind because the journey is not meant for them, but it is meant for YOU! There...in that place...THE LIGHT...WILL find you, directly on the other side of the wound! It will warm and fill the spaces that have been emptied in your soul, in your heart and even in your mind. THE LIGHT will bring you peace...peace like you have never before encountered...and it will seem as if it was there all along. But, pay close attention... the waves of the stages of grief are certain in only one thing- they are sure to come and go!

One of the best gifts that you will receive on the path of loss leading towards healing will be in seeing and understanding the sacrifice made within the loss of The One to allow something else to take its place, even at a moment that feels like the destruction of you. How glorious because The One chose to make the sacrifice without your consent. This is a completely sobering and humbling revelation. When you receive it...just say thank you! The universe and all that is alive within it and beyond will hear and receive your gratitude. TRUST IT!

Your loved one chose to fly away, but they are not far away...THE LIGHT will allow you to feel just how nearby they truly are! Hold tightly to the glimpses of their presence when they show you just how close they are to you!

Giving Up Is Not An Option written by Tosh L. 05.25.2017

Recently, I was sitting at my desk at work and pondering the purpose of this place that I found myself in. I had enlisted my sisters and a few of my closest family members to send up prayers on my behalf because I was really going through a rough season that I feel like began when I learned of two fatal moments back in March that were unexpected ends to lives that were truly meant to serve as blessings in this world. I tried everything that I knew how and I had to push past the moments to give up. My body began to physically show the effects of the grief/loss, stress and despair that I felt on the inside. I went through a period

where I lost my voice completely and physically felt like my lungs were going to give out at any moment. I received a diagnosis of acute bronchitis and was wheezing like I had asthma. Never before had my body experienced this. Then, to top it off, work became hell! I was, literally, having days when I wanted to grab my personal effects and walk out to my vehicle, get in and drive away. Yet, I knew this was not the answer so I kept showing up. I burned the candle at both ends to get things done and worked hard because I wanted to prove that I could do this. I could survive this tumultuous season.

 

So, I endured the harsh moments, many days with a public smile (and when no one was looking a glossed over blank stare). All the while, I privately found myself with tear-filled eyes  and consoling myself on my daily commute home, thinking there has to be more to it than this. I was in a place where I thought I wanted to be…well, kinda! My sister had reminded me of something that I had shared with her years ago about the seasons of my life. I had an AHA! moment and the light bulb shined brightly. I became proactive and scheduled meetings and even consulted others who were well-versed at handling such matters, but in the end I still found no solace. In the moments when I talked to God, I asked deep questions because I just needed to understand and know what I did not know and see clearly.

Now I must admit, I usually try at all costs to avoid pain, suffering and anguish. To be quite honest, sometimes, I want to give up…not because I don’t want what’s on the other side of the struggle/process, but because I realize that there’s something in me that must die so that destiny/purpose can live! And, it’s not easy to turn the pruning shears on yourself and cut what God is trying to cut off so that the “good” inside you can survive and receive more life-giving strength and power. God, literally, showed me how I could not bring that “old” and destructive part of me into my “new” place/surroundings. I had to let go of it! That part of me had to die! I began to see just how patience works. Patience is what it means to endure the process without complaining. Frankly speaking, it is enduring suffering and not saying a negative, contrary word about it. It is almost being content with suffering. When I googled the definition of patience, it literally means, “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.” Pause for a moment, so that this can fully sink in… (Jeopardy music starts now…)

So, I buckled myself in and dug in my heels and worked hard, pressed past all the negativity that was floating my way and then one day after telling God my perfect plan (ha!), I received instructions of what to do next. I must say the instructions shocked me and I could only accomplish this by applying FAITH. God gave me strength, courage and faith to do what he was leading me to do as there was no other option! He is still writing this story as we speak…So stay tuned! I am learning as someone said to me recently…”there is no Testimony without a Test!”  We go through to make it to the other side and to see what the end result will be and, guaranteed, there is something magnificent on the other side! So, if you are in something challenging, hold on…together, let’s Go Through and make it to the

other side of destiny so that we be the Victor and not the victim because Giving Up Is Not an Option!!!

STAY READY... by Tosh L.

One of my oldest and dearest sister friends has recently been telling me to “Stay Ready!” It’s kind of an insider, but I will share a bit of what this is relating to. About five years ago, I had a dream. In the dream, I envisioned something interesting taking place and there were a few factors that stuck with me when I awakened. So, I immediately shared it with a small group of individuals early one morning that I saw in the dream. Well, I had placed that dream on the shelf, so to speak, until the end of last year- 2016. Reason being is something happened that took me all the way back to the moment when I had the dream. The dream came back to me as if it were yesterday. I was speechless! I am so thankful for my memory and the memory of my sister friend who also remembered the dream and what I shared with her so long ago. Before the end of last year, I was moving, but it was in slow motion and my sense of urgency was waning. But, this has pushed me to do what I had been meaning to do and to take action steps to accomplish some much needed things on my personal and professional to-do list. What I’ve learned is that dreams do manifest in perfect/right timing, but I always have the responsibility of preparation and readying me for whatever is coming my way- known and unknown. I have to move with a sense of urgency so that my life is not at a standstill, as it should never really be- always in motion, action and being. If I stay ready, I can handle just about anything coming my way!

My Determination:

I realized there's really nothing to wait for...really, isn't!  When I think of how tomorrow is not promised to any individual and that we have this ultimate gift of one lifetime, I can see my  life and every single moment that collectively makes up my life as a unique treasure to me. My 'thank you' and 'paying it forward' consists of me living it to the fullest extent imaginable! My sister tells me to #StayReady not #GetReady.... if I'm busy getting ready, the moment will be missed and I will never have it back ever again! I can't get what is gone or behind me, only what lies ahead of me. I am determined to Stay Ready!

~Tosh

Despise Not Small Beginnings… written by Tosh L.

Did you know that the experts that you and I have identified in any particular area or field, were once known to be novice and amateurs in some respects? It’s true! That expert was not born as an expert. They had a beginning. It was small. They had to learn for quite some time even through making many of their own mistakes. They didn’t become well-versed until after they paid their dues. Take a moment to think about that for a moment…

 

I was reading something recently, and it talked about small beginnings. It

cautioned against having less than stellar feelings about small beginnings. Something was sparked in my thoughts because some of us tend to want to heal the world, feed the masses and even ascribe to a way of thinking that says we must “go big or go home.” Yet, we tend to frown upon the “mom and pop” shops that have been or are growing in perfecting their service, craft or product. That business, service or organization that has become a mainstay in the community, and have made a commendable impact are in my eyes “Doing It Big” by remaining, by enduring and not folding or giving up. They are the glue. They are the touchable champions that help us to realize that we, too, can be and do the thing(s) that we have dreamed about and hoped to see in our neighborhoods, communities, cities and, yes, in our world that surrounds us. Our beginnings help us to appreciate the grind, the hard work, the blood, sweat and tears that we invest into capturing our goals, dreams and visions for ourselves, those who will follow in our footsteps and dare to do even greater than we have done because we have set an exemplary example.

 

Small beginnings are not to be overlooked, but they should be celebrated and rewarded for being a positive image of leadership, entrepreneurship, business ownership, wealth and freedom of life while making a meaningful impact, most times, away from the limelight. I will not despise small beginnings, but I will uplift them!

When the Unthinkable Happens by Tosh L.

I had to take a moment to share with you all about this most horrific story that I have been following in the local news. I am a deep thinker and profound feeler. I shared this with you all some time ago. I think I feel deeper than the average person allows themselves to feel. Sometimes I toggle between believing it to be a burden or a blessing. It just depends on which day you ask me you may get a different response. So, I usually don’t tune in to the news broadcast, if at all. My daily work pulls me away from the chance to do it. I am better to read about news or listen to it via radio broadcast just because of my limitations of time and schedule.

Well, I had been hearing this story about the children who killed the four children and injured his wife. When I read about it, I also read that he had

killed his first wife and unborn child years before. So, the way I think may differ at times than how others think. My heart aches for this mother because I am a mother, and I could not comprehend what it would be like to walk a half mile in her shoes. For me, it would be much too unbearable. I also feel like this is a level of evil that I cannot even begin to wrap my imagination around.

Whenever I hear of something tragic or otherwise that would be a hard thing to endure in my mind, there is one statement that always come to my mind. God says he won’t put more on us than we can bear. Wow God, you do give your toughest battles to your strongest warriors! I pray for this mother. I pray for their family. I pray that the father receives the help he needs because it is apparent that he does need help.

 

I do not question at all whether or not a 2^nd chance should have been granted to this man or any other human being. I will declare, emphatically, that we all deserve a 2nd chance in life. We are all in need of redemption in some way, shape or form. We all deserve to be forgiven. This is not up to me. This is

according to how God sees things. I believe that forgiveness is a step that should, hopefully, lead us to remorse for things we have done, and on to deliverance and healing. Please pray for this family, if you will. I cannot stop thinking about them. Let this be a reminder that we must deeply cherish the moments that we have with the people that we know and love most in the world. Tomorrow is not promised. One moment can change our lives forever. On another note, we must understand that mental illness is the disease that we cannot see. We have to familiarize ourselves with it so that we all know how to recognize the signs and characteristics. Rest peacefully to the children and continued prayers of strength to the mother, family and loved ones.

 

Life Happens, So Be Intentional by Tosh L.

On Friday I received some news that I saw, at the onset, as being ‘glass half empty.’ It was life-altering for others that I know. But, then my whole position in thinking shifted, and I began to see the glass as being half full. I said a prayer and this sparked a brief conversation that with a co-worker.

It’s true, life can and will throw you some curve balls. There will be things that you never anticipated nor could you have ever imagined happening, but life is so good, in that, it never stops there. This is when and where endurance, patience and being longsuffering comes into play. If you do not have these tools, it is in moments like these that you will learn what they truly mean. I have read the Bible a lot, and in times like this something that I have read in the past will come back to me. Here’s what came to mind today as I was sitting in meditation:

Ecclesiastes 9:11 which in part says, “The fastest runner doesn’t always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn’t always win the battle.”

For me, that meant that sometimes things that appear to be “bad” do happen and will happen to what some would consider by their own definition to be “good” people. My point is not to argue who’s good and who is not, but more so the argument I have is in the direction of the occurrence (or “bad” thing as we deem it to be) and then our response to it. My initial thought was set on this being a ‘glass half empty’ and a horrible thing. I could see how it came as a shock and disturbance, but I know that our reason and purpose for being is always in motion if we will submit and surrender to it. I know that what happened may not have been good, but it was for my good. So, as soon as I re-focused, I was able to see more clearly how purpose was at play in this occurrence. And, no sooner than my focus changed, this is what came to mind:

Romans 8:28 which is part says, “God causes everything to work together according to his purpose for them who love him.”

How amazing is that!?!! So, I know that God, himself, doesn’t make every decision, but when things happen, He still uses what’s presented to work for our good! Every outcome can and will work for our good! It goes back to the surrendering piece I shared with you in the post, “Time To Surrender.” So, in knowing this, I can speak in confidence and in faith about any matter. So, when I lined up my focus in the right direction, I was able to see and hear more clearly. An overwhelming thought came to mind and I shared it with the right person at the right time, and it sparked something in her that gave light to more great ideas and positive thoughts. It was a source of encouragement and made a huge impact. Looking forward to the big picture, I can see how things will begin to change which will breed greater purpose and amazing opportunities in the lives of many others for years to come. My focus being shifted led me to reach out and share a thought that was something small and purposefully intentional. I am thankful that I didn’t allow the harshness of the circumstances to take over and rule the way I responded to the situation. Instead, wisdom helped me to pause and see things clearly. I have every confidence that I don’t have to worry because everything is going to work out…and it will be good! SO BE IT!!!

 

Check out this song by recording artist, Travis Greene. It's so fitting for this post. The song is entitled, "He's Intentional". I hope you enjoy the song courtesy of YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VH3f0ellNv8

There's Priority & Then There's Purpose by Tosh L.

A week ago, I had a chance to chat with one of my all –time favorite human beings on the planet- my son! When our schedules get so busy that we cannot see one another right away, we text or we even have some face to face time via Marco Polo to stay in touch. What started off as just us catching up as we often do, became a very pivotal pow-wow for us (mostly me) to share some life experiences on the difference between priority and purpose. Over more recent years, I have learned to parent my son differently because he is a man, and I cannot have him underfoot the way I once did when he was a small child. That season is long gone. He has grown and evolved and is capable of living in and through his own legacy. It will be whatever he creates and builds it to be. I give him room to grow and to evolve. I am here for him whenever, for whatever, and however he may need me to be of assistance without the preponderance of enablement. I never seek to be a crutch, but instead, a hand up to lift as he climbs.

We discussed the difference as priority is sometimes more of an urgency that we encounter throughout life. So, we prioritize paying bills, taking care of household tasks and personal business, taking care of our health and well-being and responding to other things that require immediate attention. For some, that may mean providing any and everything for children, a spouse or even for your aging parents/family members. This has its place and is of importance; however, we have to be careful that this does not monopolize all of our time. This can, however, be very challenging to balance in some seasons of life. What deserves great attention is purpose. We must never allow matters of priority to throw us off of our mindset of purpose. We must be diligent to stay focused in this area no matter what the distractions may be. Purpose is the life you were created to live. It’s the reason why you are here! If left untethered, it will be forgotten and escape the forefronts of your mind because the priorities have taken over. This can happen more easily than you think. But, we have to manage our time wisely and stay focused on purpose. A bit of advice, don’t allow priorities to get the best of you! If they do, re-focus and get back on task. I say this with a commanding, yet respectful tone because many have put things off for tomorrow, and tomorrow slowly, but surely, became 5, 10, 15 years or longer. Trust me, no one will regret it or pay the price for this delay more than you will. The cost can be insurmountable and will not be worth it! So, it’s up to you to choose what will win in the battle between Priority vs. Purpose!

Helpful Resources

I want to share a couple resourceful tools with you that have truly helped me in more ways than I can say. The first is a book written by Stephen Covey entitled, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. The other is the Stephen Covey Time Management Matrix, see below: