Giving Up Is Not An Option written by Tosh L. 05.25.2017

Recently, I was sitting at my desk at work and pondering the purpose of this place that I found myself in. I had enlisted my sisters and a few of my closest family members to send up prayers on my behalf because I was really going through a rough season that I feel like began when I learned of two fatal moments back in March that were unexpected ends to lives that were truly meant to serve as blessings in this world. I tried everything that I knew how and I had to push past the moments to give up. My body began to physically show the effects of the grief/loss, stress and despair that I felt on the inside. I went through a period

where I lost my voice completely and physically felt like my lungs were going to give out at any moment. I received a diagnosis of acute bronchitis and was wheezing like I had asthma. Never before had my body experienced this. Then, to top it off, work became hell! I was, literally, having days when I wanted to grab my personal effects and walk out to my vehicle, get in and drive away. Yet, I knew this was not the answer so I kept showing up. I burned the candle at both ends to get things done and worked hard because I wanted to prove that I could do this. I could survive this tumultuous season.

 

So, I endured the harsh moments, many days with a public smile (and when no one was looking a glossed over blank stare). All the while, I privately found myself with tear-filled eyes  and consoling myself on my daily commute home, thinking there has to be more to it than this. I was in a place where I thought I wanted to be…well, kinda! My sister had reminded me of something that I had shared with her years ago about the seasons of my life. I had an AHA! moment and the light bulb shined brightly. I became proactive and scheduled meetings and even consulted others who were well-versed at handling such matters, but in the end I still found no solace. In the moments when I talked to God, I asked deep questions because I just needed to understand and know what I did not know and see clearly.

Now I must admit, I usually try at all costs to avoid pain, suffering and anguish. To be quite honest, sometimes, I want to give up…not because I don’t want what’s on the other side of the struggle/process, but because I realize that there’s something in me that must die so that destiny/purpose can live! And, it’s not easy to turn the pruning shears on yourself and cut what God is trying to cut off so that the “good” inside you can survive and receive more life-giving strength and power. God, literally, showed me how I could not bring that “old” and destructive part of me into my “new” place/surroundings. I had to let go of it! That part of me had to die! I began to see just how patience works. Patience is what it means to endure the process without complaining. Frankly speaking, it is enduring suffering and not saying a negative, contrary word about it. It is almost being content with suffering. When I googled the definition of patience, it literally means, “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.” Pause for a moment, so that this can fully sink in… (Jeopardy music starts now…)

So, I buckled myself in and dug in my heels and worked hard, pressed past all the negativity that was floating my way and then one day after telling God my perfect plan (ha!), I received instructions of what to do next. I must say the instructions shocked me and I could only accomplish this by applying FAITH. God gave me strength, courage and faith to do what he was leading me to do as there was no other option! He is still writing this story as we speak…So stay tuned! I am learning as someone said to me recently…”there is no Testimony without a Test!”  We go through to make it to the other side and to see what the end result will be and, guaranteed, there is something magnificent on the other side! So, if you are in something challenging, hold on…together, let’s Go Through and make it to the

other side of destiny so that we be the Victor and not the victim because Giving Up Is Not an Option!!!