***THIS IS A TEST***

 

 

 

 

Hey there everyone! Happy Tuesday to you!

I am a little tardy today as I was just introduced to this new app for my phone called Marco Polo that I am falling hard for! It is the bomb.com! It is out of the ordinary of what I would usually use or something I would definitely shy away from under any other circumstances, but I jumped on it without any reservations whatsoever! I have MP-ed some people already and it has been good so far! This gives me some great ideas as I have already connected with newfound and distant family, friends that I wish to connect with and may not be able to do so due to busy schedules. So, consider this your warning, I may “MP” you soon! LOL!

 

 

THIS IS A TEST (please click on the link) https://youtu.be/NRxrCBvt7TM

 

Today’s blog post title came to me a week ago because I literally felt like I was in the middle of a test. It wasn’t until days later that I figured out what the title was for. Do you remember what it felt like when you took tests in school? Remember having to study for it and being nervous about it? Sometimes, you walked into class for your test with an air of confidence, sometimes you walked in feeling test anxiety and pressure, like I had before. Let’s just say that I do not miss those days at all. Ha! So, I knew that I was in the center of this test and had been for some time. I had to be patient enough to calm myself to know what the purpose of the test was and to even know what actions I should take while I was in the midst of it. What was interesting to me was, that all while I focused on the frustration of the test, it only brought on more anxiety. More anxiety did not serve as a resolution at all. So, I prayed to figure out what other options of response I had while I was enduring my test. I saw how my focus was not where it needed to be. I saw how being frustrated and nervous was merely a distraction. So, I had to regroup- no question about it! When I did, I was able to focus on what my resolution would be. I thought of ways to approach the matter that lied before me. So, in this particular instance, I was dealing with a work-related matter that I knew needed to be resolved ASAP! They were really long past due! So, I walked in and sat to have a conversation with my supervisor. It was interesting that as I sat down, some emotions began to awaken that I didn’t want to express in the conversation. On the inside, I was furious, angry, upset, worried and just plain old frustrated. At a glance, I could see the screen saver on her computer that reminded me that she, too, was a woman of faith. So, before I began speaking I paused and swallowed that thought. Now, this isn’t to say that I would have addressed her any differently than I did. Yet, I was reminded of who she was and, also, of whom I was and my responsibility to be who I proclaimed to be- a woman of faith! This was important to me. I wanted to communicate a message for the sake of resolution, productivity and, mostly, peace. I wanted her to know that I was aware of some things that created an environment for me that was not conducive to my productivity in the workplace. I wanted her to be aware that I was uncomfortable, and for me, this was not okay! I made careful, poignant statements that shed light on what I was feeling. She responded in a way that acknowledged my feelings. I walked away with an understanding that I did not have before our discussion. I felt so much better! This was me leaning on the courage that I had re-discovered to exercise my voice (remember from my very first post- “I Have A Voice”). I walked away feeling empowered! Now, only time would tell if she would be a woman of her word and make the necessary changes to create a cohesive, harmonious work environment. This was a lesson and test for me. I came into the situation with responsibility and so did she. We both had to make a concerted effort to do something new in the ways we had previously responded to the invisible tension that had, somehow, been created. I felt so compelled to share this because at the time of the conversation, I was only working part time for the company. The very next day, I was called into the office of the program director for an impromptu meeting. My first thought was, “Oh my lord, what could this be about?” To my surprise, I was offered a full-time opportunity by the leader that is above my immediate supervisor. I accepted! So, in my time of reflection, I could have easily done something that would have caused me to get lost in my emotions and responded negatively just one day earlier in the meeting that I had with my supervisor. But, because I was careful with how I handled things, I was able to receive and extend respect to resolve the tension/unspoken conflict and foster a more positive work relationship and environment with the leadership staff overall. This communicated that I am about resolution and not becoming a virus to the department and team. So, because she spoke of making a change in her interactions with me, her attitude had to line up and support the change she professed she would make.  How powerful is that? Awareness is powerful, and us taking action because of such an awareness is even more life-changing. When we have to match our words with our actions, that creates an impact that changes the trajectory of how we are and who we are! This is when maturity can take root and grow. ((That made me smile!)) LOL! I truly believe that “Teamwork Makes the Dream Work,” and “There is No ‘I’ in team!” So, doubling back to me, I saw that I needed to make a change before I could challenge and carefully confront (or approach) my supervisor with a change that I recognized needed to be made on her part, as well. So, in essence, my focus was changed from looking at her to seeing myself and where I needed to change, mature and grow. In any given situation, I have learned especially during my studies and practice as a care-giver or care-receiver, the only person that we have the power to change is ourselves. When we look in the mirror, we must focus our attention on changing the person that is looking back at us. I am responsible for my growth, maturity and change! This is one of the greatest tests that we will ever encounter. This is a lesson that we must all learn!

  

Please Hear My Call

     Imagine just for a moment that we’re sitting in the attic of your heart. And, let’s pretend that your heart was shaped like a bag and it was filled to capacity with various things. If we opened your bags, what would we find tucked away? What has, rightfully, found a home in your heart? What things are there temporarily? Can you see the difference? There is a difference between what things should find a home in our hearts and the ones that should be given a 30-day eviction notice to vacate the premises. Yet, we’ll never know unless we crawl into the attic and take a peek into our hearts from time to time to see what’s there. Some things don’t belong, and if they stay too long, they will wreak havoc on the good things that are meant to be there forever leaving nothing an opportunity to be salvaged.

Think about that for a moment.

I hear things through song and music of all genres. The song that comes to mind here is “Bag Lady” by Erykah Badu. The lyrics say, “Bag Lady, you gone hurt your back, dragging all them bags like that. I guess nobody ever told you, all you must hold on to is you, is you, is you….”

     Last week on Tuesday evening there was this forceful storm that began. It was so peculiar to me because storms don’t typically happen this way. So, I paid close attention to every element of it. Before the rain even began, the wind was very wild and unruly. As I came closer to my balcony, I could see the tree outside the window and how it made great effort to endure the wind as unusual as it was. I could not only see, but I could also hear how severely hard the wind was blowing. It was tumultuous, to say the least. Even the lake waters were being stirred up in a great way! Now, I personally enjoy storms especially when I’m indoors and can sit and watch them unfold. Storms speak to me; they are a source of inspiration for me. I receive something when it rains or storms even if it is, simply, rest. But, this storm was different. I knew it meant so much more. I am not a storm chaser, but, I was drawn in closer to watch it and feel the fresh air as it blew harshly. I stood at my balcony door with it wide open. I stared through the screen looking up at the clouds... they were moving just like the lake and the trees. I saw multiple shades of grey and formations of clouds. So, I spoke to them as if they could hear me. I pleaded for them to hear my call. I waited. I wanted them to know that I could hear them. So, I waited. I wanted them to know that I was listening. And as soon as I did, it was like something in my soul just opened wide and I began to cry openly and outwardly. There was this yearning in my heart to create a clear path…to clear the way. I didn’t fully know what it meant at first, but then thoughts came. I, carefully, took time to look at everything that crossed my mind, and it was like God was giving me a chance to empty myself during this storm of anything and everything that I needed to let go of- things recent and things past. Then, as my tears ceased, the rain began, and I felt this song that I had not listened to in a very long time by Jill Scott entitled, “Hear My Call.” I played it and sat quietly so that I could purge and let go of all that needed to go. This was a spiritual moment for me. It felt the movement as if the wind was blowing through me like it was in the clouds, water and tree. It was like cleaning out the attic. I was going through my thoughts and feelings on everything and organizing them- putting them in order. Because things had been happening so quickly I was, symbolically, only throwing them up in the attic for later. So, now was the time when I could allow time and space to put things in their rightful place and to throw out the things that I no longer had use for…because it was so necessary. It was a time of cleansing, so timely and much needed. So much had happened within a short span of time- in my inner world and in the outer world- that my heart was wrestling with and I needed to deal with it all and clear it away to create a path for my heart to beat again and breathe again in its rightful rhythm. And when my rightful rhythm returned, I was able to dance. Oh yeah, I danced, because I was free!  

Sometimes we don’t know what it is that’s bothering us, but there will be this unsettling gut feeling or strange feeling in the center of our chest. Some things you just cannot shake. It will linger and just seem to never go away. It is real and is not to be ignored. Pay close attention to it. Don’t just push it down in the bags of your heart suppressing it to a place where it is never to be dealt with or revisited, but open those bags and deal with it, whatever “it” is, and process through it so that you can experience growth, find answers and understanding and forever have free space in your heart. So, that all that you are holding on to, is YOU!

I listened to the cues of my heart and in the moment that was created just for me during the storm. Your moment may not happen during a storm such as the one that occurred last week, but something will occur to draw you in closer to listen. When it happens, as strange as it may seem… will you hear the call!!?!! I ask that you do... Please!

Please listen to the song, “Hear My Call” by Jill Scott and let it speak to you as it spoke to me: https://youtu.be/VtapoGukzCA

Live Your Legacy

 

 

On this same day as I am gathering via teleconference, I learn of my great aunt passing away. I sit in silence after we prayed together for one of our dear sisters to be strengthened. I am in reflection, thinking about life once again as I did during the previous week when I learned of someone who ended their life on Wednesday. Then, someone else whose life ended on Friday of natural causes. Here, I am on Tuesday when this news finds me. This is the third life that ends that I hear of in less than a week. My reflection is not completely on the loss of life at its end, yet, I am reflecting on the loss of life as we live. If we knew what our end would be, would we be wasters of time? Or rather, how would we spend our time if we knew how much of it we really had on our journey? My reflection carried me in a couple different directions. For starters, what crossed my mind was the verse in Psalm 90: 10, 12 that says,

“We live for 70 years, or 80 years if we’re healthy, yet even in

the prime years there are troubles and sorrow. They pass us by quickly

and we fly away… Teach us to keep account of our days so

we may develop inner wisdom.”

What also came to mind was the poem called “The Dash” written by Linda Ellis (to honor copyright laws, you will find the link for the poem at the end of this post). I began reflecting on our legacy that we build and/or create with the life we live which is determined by how we spend our time every day. My great aunt worked for many years for a company that she was able to retire from, however, she will probably be most remembered in different ways that have nothing to do with her day job. My interpretation of a large part of my aunt’s life was that of sacrifice and unconditional love. That is the lesson that she taught me from living her life daily. Now, that is quite noble to me and maybe even others would agree; however, I wonder what others would define that dash to be. Or, what is the legacy of the person that decides that it is their time to leave this earth, or the one whose life ends at the hands of a violent act being committed against them? This just literally came to me… Did you know that every life echoes messages after it has come to an end here on earth? Think about it… everyone you know that has passed on, what do you remember most about them? This message is what was created as an echo from them to you. Deep, huh? What are you doing with that echo? More personally, what is your legacy? How are you building it now? What are you creating it to be? Are you living out your dash and doing what you would like to be remembered for? Are you making the impact you so desire? My goal is to live beyond the 80 years, as stated in the psalm above, because there is so much for me to do, experience and create as my legacy unfolds. I want my dash to be great, not just because, but for those who will come behind me and stand on my shoulders. I want to be great because I feel like there are so many encounters that still have yet to be manifested. I want to die empty. Yes emptied… having used all the resources I was given in the form of gifts, talents, special abilities and honed skills. I want the lives of others to be greater because I was here! Sure, we can work in positions to manage what we own, a certain lifestyle, etc. I get it… our jobs are a means to an end and serve a purpose. Yet, if you are not making an impact where you work and spend time, then what will you be a part of that will open the door or crack the window to you making an impact in the lives of someone else? We do not live just for us! That is not our purpose here. As I get older and I hear of people leaving and transitioning, I can truly see how much life matters. It truly does matter. I lost an aunt, it matters. I gained a new little cousin, it matters. One life ended on one day, and the next day another life began. That is the true cycle of life. We must begin to deeply consider what we do in between our beginning and our ending to clearly define what our legacy will be as we live and when we fly away.

Click the link below to read the poem...
"The Dash" by Linda Ellis http://www.linda-ellis.com/the-dash-the-dash-poem-by-linda-ellis-.html

Please post in the comments to share how you're going to live your legacy- now and in the future!

 

 

A Missed Encounter

I wanted to first share just how I have appreciated you all for taking the time out of your life to read my blog and take this journey with me as we cover Life Matters! Thank you to those who have shared feedback and commented on the blog posts either in writing, via text, in person or by picking up the phone to call me. I truly appreciate each of you, AND I thank you for affirming me and the gifts that I have been given!

I want to share a couple things with you to help with today’s reading. This will give you a bit more insight about me-Tosh! First thing I wanted to share with you about me is that I don’t know when I first realized it, but I have this unique ability to feel what other people feel. Surprisingly, I can physically, emotionally and empathically feel in the place of another individual, be they a stranger or someone I know personally. I have this keen ability to see into the hearts of people/matters. I am able to see people as they truly are and can articulate this without any other reference than it simply being a God-given gift. This is my special/super power. Does this make me an official X-Men?! I wish! Secondly, I wanted to share that I met with a friend today and while we were having a very simple conversation, I said something that was the equivalent of striking a match and lighting a candle within her. I could tell because I, simultaneously, felt it too! There was a swarm of emotions that came in a matter of moments that I witnessed through her body language, then it was swept away in a matter of seconds. It is amazing how spoken words can trigger something inside of us that we do not even expect. Have you ever heard words spoken, sang or even that you’ve read that did something to you unexpectedly? I have many times.

When I arrived home today, I got settled in and went online to check my social media sites and email for any such updates, feedback, etc. for the sake of management.  I went on to Facebook and decided to check my news feed (which I don’t do as often as I used to). The very first thing I saw was an image of two women. One of the women was sitting down while the other was standing and doing a head wrap on the other. I, first, thought to myself…”wow, I am going to miss the African World Festival” near downtown Detroit that in most recent years has been held at the Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History. When I commented, I was assured by the writer that I had not missed the festival, but that the lady doing the head wrap had just passed away earlier that day. "WHAT...PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS NOT TRUE!"' were my very thoughts. In shock, I navigated to her page because she and I were also Facebook friends. In my moment of denial, I was looking for a confirmation of life or death. Some positive news or reference to put me at ease. I did not want to believe that it was true! I didn’t know her personally but we connected on Facebook as I had seen her in person around town over the years at various events that we mutually attended in the metro Detroit area. Our paths last crossed back in November when we both attended the 2015 Detroit Doll Show at the Wright Museum. I had seen her before that time doing the head wraps at the festival in 2014. I recall admiring her giftedness and handiwork as she manipulated the fabrics to form something so regal and queenly that gave the women and girls sitting in her chair such pride, confidence and esteem as they looked in the mirror at their brand new self-image. Even though I really wanted to have my head wrapped, I passed on the opportunity to have an encounter believing that my path would cross her path at a time in the future, and I would see her later and have my head wrapped by her. We walked over to watch the African dancing exhibition which was steps away from the head wrapping artistry tent as they began to start up. I was so enthralled with the dancers of all ages as I listened to the drums and admired the moves that, for a moment, swept me away to a place outside of the city of Detroit. The drummers and dancing invited me to a place that was located far away from any place I had seen before with my own eyes. They took me to a place that felt akin in my soul. I felt like I was home. It felt so familiar, and I felt so free and so alive. I exhaled and when it ended, I was left in awe. I was long gone in my thoughts, far from the opportunity that I missed to have an encounter until I learned of the news today. Gone was my chance to speak to her. Gone was my chance to receive from her. Gone was my opportunity to possibly hear wisdom from this woman, this soul, this spirit that I had never known but admired from a distance. You know I recently heard someone say that an encounter is an experience that makes an impact on us. I am even reminded of one of my favorite quotes by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin that says, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” I was left speechless and spent my evening in a quiet place to allow my emotions to have their freedom. I grieved the loss of what could have been. Only if there was one more chance!

Have you ever had someone to come to your home or you meet with them and then after your time together they depart and leave something behind that you intended to give them? You grab what you meant to give them and then open the door or turn around to find that they are further away than your voice can reach. The distance that they have travelled makes it difficult for them to hear you call out to them, “WAIT!” Maybe in an effort to still catch them, you attempt to pick up the phone to call them and there’s no answer. It’s too late! This is exactly what I feel in this moment. I could not reach her if I tried to give her what I should have given or receive what I could have received. I cannot get her to turn around. She can no longer hear me calling out to her. I will forever remember her as the woman I could have known- an opportunity I could have partaken in, the impact not experienced. Really! Who was I to put off an opportunity or a chance to do something or to “be” what I am called to be in a moment? I realize how I thought I had time, and I did not! What I realize is that there is a cost to decisions I make. Some I can afford, others are, let’s just say, expensive and not in my budget. At this time in my life, I do not want to miss any opportunities that are meant for me. The cost is inextricable, and I cannot afford it!

Reflecting back on the conversation that I had earlier that day with my friend, I wondered if what I said made her think of any particular missed encounter. I wondered if the emotions that came suddenly reminded her of the high cost that she had already paid, and what the sum total of the cost would add up to if she did not grab the opportunity while she still could. It must have been immense based upon the simultaneous feeling that also came over me. What I am left with is that, in hindsight, it is never worth it! If you are called on to be a nurturer, mother, sister, a counselor, aunt, daughter, lover, advocate, granddaughter, friend, listening ear, company to someone who is lonely, or to give or even just to receive… be it/do it! You and the other person(s) will be made richer because of the encounter. This I know to be true! Whether you believe it or not, you are just as indebted to others as there are others who are indebted to you. Let us think this way when we come to moments in life that matter, “You Need Me” and “I Need You”! We each have a responsibility to pay it forward no matter where we are in life. Because when the moment passes, we can never ever get it back again.